I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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