Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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