I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
