She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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