whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
