I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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