What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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