I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
