ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
