currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
