While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
