Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
