so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
