So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize