She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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