the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
