smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize