I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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