My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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