oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
