The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
