Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
