What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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