I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
