Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
