Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
