If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
