This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
