a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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