i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
