you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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