Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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