So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
