Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
