There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
