dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
