Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
