I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
