Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
