How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My vagina is officially offended.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
