and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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