dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
