I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize