sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All the doctor said was why
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
