She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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