I will die if light touches me.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
