Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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