saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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