Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
