if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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