I just pynch a tree in the face
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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