Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
