My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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