i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
