i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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