i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
