I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They have beer where we have blood.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
