How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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