I wannas sexs uuuuu
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
