Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
