Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize