I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
