There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
