their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
