the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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