We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
